First response matters! But WHY?
The initial few minutes of a disclosure can determine whether a person would approach help again. Complementary words revive a feeling of control; insensitive remarks can intensify shame or silence. Trauma-informed communication is based on the assumption of believing the survivor and a measure of letting him or her dictate the next action. What survivor-support organizations tell us to do is clear; be empathetic, do not interrogate, and give alternatives instead of instructions.
What to Say in the First Moments?
Use short, kind sentences that reinforce and reinstate choice to the survivor. Examples include:
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “I’m so sorry this happened.”
- “I believe you.”
- “This wasn’t your fault.”
- “I’m here for you. What can I do to help you now?”
- “Would you like to know about confidential resources?”
These words are indicative of safety without pressuring the details. Nothing is more therapeutic than pausing, listening, and letting the silence do some of the work than attempting to fix anything at-the-moment.
What Not to Say?
Even good intentioned questions are harmful. Avoid:
- Accusation or suspicion: “Why were you there? Are you sure?”
- Minimizing: “It could have been worse. Try to move on.”
- Forcing disclosure: “Tell me exactly what happened.”
- Seizing power: “You must report. Here is what you should do.”
These reactions may sound like criticism or coercion and they usually end a conversation. Instead of asking why, use supportive language and leave the survivor to determine whether, when, and how to provide details.
Give Practical, Survivor-Led Support
Once you have expressed belief and care, ask what would be most helpful. Some useful solutions may comprise: generally sitting together in a quiet location, transportation arrangements, giving a list of confidential services, or even escorting the survivor (where he/she desires this) to health care, counseling, or reporting sources. Respect boundaries: seek permission before touching, before calling, before passing information with other people. The following are simple follow-ups (a text, a check-in time) and concise reminders recommended by campus and community resources that help to take the survivor into consideration whenever the survivor is ready.
Keep Privacy at the Center
Keep the disclosure confidential. Never tell the story of the survivor without their express permission, or on the Internet. When you are in a position where you are required to make mandated-reports, clarify those boundaries early on, and also articulate specifically what will (and what will not) be disclosed to allow the survivor to make informed decisions. In uncertainty, reach some confidential supporters who would be able to guide you through the options without registering a formal report.
Mind the Questions You Ask
Curiosity is a normal phenomenon but insensitive questions may cause retraumatization. Do not investigate timeline, clothing, alcohol history, relationship history. In case questions are required (such as determining short-term safety), open, non-leading prompts and interrupt at the point when the survivor communicates discomfort.
Public-health and advocacy resources also focus on the fact that most disclosures are initiated with somebody to whom the survivor is close; the response of that individual is a powerful determinant of whether or not the survivor obtains services in future.
In Case of Immediate Danger, or the Survivor is a Minor
In case of an emergency or urgent medical assistance of a person is required, call emergency services. In case the survivor is a minor (or the age of majority established in the relevant jurisdiction), various regulations might be used; mandatory-reporting laws are jurisdiction-specific. Where feasible, consider hiring a confidential advocate who will clarify local options in plain language and assist in reducing the burden of further trauma in the necessary course of action. The national and the campus resources provide 24/7 guidance and the option to refer to local services.
Expand Learning through Training and Reading
When an increased number of people understand the way to respond well then communities become safer. Sexual assault speakers who implement trauma-informed and evidence-based curricula to practice supportive language can facilitate the development of peer-to-peer norms that should reduce harm, setting up channels of resources, and establishing the rules through which teams navigate narration.
Understanding is also enhanced through reading. The sexual assault book ANTIGUAN JUSTICE: A Father’s Fight, led to a historic extradition of Antigua provides the view of a family on trauma, responsibility, and protracted court proceedings, provides valuable background literature to those interested in a book about rape & sexual assault that bridges the difference between personal and systemic change.
Quick Reference: Do/Don’t Checklist
Do:
- Believe, prove and appreciate the survivor that trusted you.
- Inquire about what support would mean to them now.
- Give choices (of medical care, advocacy, counseling) without coercion.
- Guard confidentiality and pursue tenderly.
Don’t:
- Accuse, mistrust, downplay, or interrogate.
- Demand to report or information prior to survivor readiness.
- Spread the word without approval- even with good intentions.
Final Thought
None is a foolproof script but there are the more desirable habits to follow: better listen to than talk, consider without judgment, and leave the steering to the survivor. A non-reactive, sympathetic initial response can alleviate isolation and pave the way to the care- now or when they are prepared.