Over the past few years, I’ve talked to many victims of sexual assault.  In many cases, as they shared their stories, they mention things that they should have done differently.  Sometimes it’s “if I would had done X” or “if I would not have done Y” this wouldn’t have happened to me.  I feel bad when I hear these types of things, as it feels like they are blaming themselves for something that was NOT their fault.

The perpetrators of these types of crimes are usually convincing.  They know the tricks to build trust and to make their victim feel more comfortable.  Or they may be devious and calculating in a different way such as spiking your drink or isolating you from others.

So how do you help keep those you love safe?  Having detailed conversations about sexual assault prevention is a good start.  About 18 months ago I met Amy Carpenter.  Amy is a Sexual Assault Prevention Educator.  She has developed a curriculum for schools that teach the students about safety as it relates to relationships and sexual assaults.  Her curriculum is called Be Strong, Be Wise: Sexual Safety Education. This is the type of education we need in our school systems, but as we all see on a regular basis, our politicians are not interested in this topic.  You can purchase Amy’s book:  Be Strong, Be Wise: The Young Adult’s Guide to Sexual Assault Awareness and Personal Safety, on Amazon.   It’s something every parent should read before their children start middle school. In addition, Amy has suggested 5 commonsense safety tools, which are questions to help teens build discernment, confidence, and safety.   Here are the 5 tools:

1. Gut Instinct: Do I know what it feels like in my body when boundaries are threatened?  Do I know how to recognize the discomfort of others (through their body language and facial expression) when their boundaries are threatened?
2. Communications: Do I know how to communicate my boundaries and needs to others?  Do I know how to check in if I am unsure that my partner is fully comfortable?
3. Affect Manipulation: Do I know how to make myself look tough even when I’m nervous?
4. People Perception: Do I know how to recognize when someone’s behavior toward me and/or others feels “off”?
5. Common Sense: Do I know how to make choices (like getting into a car with someone who has been drinking) that best preserve my safety?

These are just some of the topics that Amy covers in her book and courses.

Beyond these educational tools, there are other tools that are available to help keep your loved ones safe.  There are many, many tools out there, but I want to provide a few that I truly believe have great purpose and can help in keeping your loved ones safe.

1. The I’m Safe App. Available for iOS and android based phones.  This app is free, and I haven’t found any others with these features that are free:
   1. Configurable Location Sharing
   2. SOS instant emergency alerts
   3. SOS Tags
   4. Fake phone calls for discreet escapes
   5. Anonymous Record to quietly document audio or video and save it securely encrypted in the Cloud.

You can learn more at the Imsafe.app website.

2. Nightcap.  Available directly from their website or via Amazon. The goal is to prevent drink spiking, which is out of control:
   1. Use a scrunchie or keychain that contains a drink cover.
   2. They also have several other products like a bottle top cover, sticker covers, etc.
   3. These items are very reasonably priced.

I love the simplicity and effectiveness of these products!  Check out all of their safety products at Nightcapit.com

3. 3^rd-i App. Available for iOS and Android.  The primary focus of this application is transportation (uber, subways, walking, etc.).   There is a cost for this app, but there are different levels to accommodate your need and your budget.  Some of the key features:
   1. Live Video, Audio & Location Sharing
   2. Discreet SOS Button
   3. Amber Alert for Friends
   4. In-Stream Messaging & Chat Group
   5. Dual-Camera + Picture-in-Picture

Check them out at 3rd-i.org

There are many other safety related products on the market. If you are looking for something specific, like safety products for runners, drop me an email and I’ll share what I know.

Lastly, I wanted to provide some basic tips that you can share with those you care about to help keep them safe!

1. Stay Aware: Avoid walking distracted. Look up. Trust your instincts, they often know before you do.
2. Share Where You Are: Let someone know when you’re heading out and when to expect you back. Use a live location or safety app if you can.
3. Keep the Essentials Ready: Carry your phone (charged), emergency contact info, a little cash, and a safety device or app that’s easy to access
4. Be Smart About Transport: Always check the vehicle and driver before getting in.
5. If Something Feels Wrong, Act: Call someone, change your route, walk into a public place. You don’t need permission to protect yourself.