I didn’t choose it. It chose me.

This is my first blog, but I intend to post one monthly as my journey into the fight against sexual assault grows.  This one is focused on the background of why I decided to follow this passion.

In May of 2015, my oldest daughter was sexually assaulted while attending nursing school in Antigua, which is in the Eastern Caribbean.  Getting that call from her began a steep, uphill battle for justice, which lasted about 6 years before it was all done.  The toll it took on our entire family was significant, and it altered our paths.

As we raised our three daughters, I felt like we did a fairly good job of educating them on things such as not leaving your drink unattended, not inviting someone into your home that you do not know well, and do not go into their home.  All very basic rules to keep yourself safe, along with a myriad of other safety rules.  Unfortunately, the perpetrator that assaulted my daughter was a London Metro Police Officer.    As I was later told by another London Metro Police Officer, “a bad police officer is the worst wolf in sheep’s clothing that you will find.”  They are typically a trusted individual, so the rules you follow, get put aside.  As my daughter told me, “He was a police officer, I thought I could trust him”.

After helping our daughter early on with the police, hospital exams, and as much support as we could give her, my wife and I started doing research.  I was in total shock when I found out how universally prevalent this crime was and just the US statistics alone were frightening.  At the time, I couldn’t understand why so many victims didn’t report the crime or how our prosecutors refuse to give victims their day in court, unless they are very confident they would win.  In 2014 only .6 of 1 percent of the perpetrators were incarcerated.  How could this be?   It was all a bit overwhelming to me.  The more I researched, the more infuriated I became and the more I was determined to get justice for my daughter.  I also knew that it was taking a huge toll on my mental state.  When you take stress, anger, negative emotions, frustration, and a lack of sleep, then bottle it up for four years, you can’t expect a good outcome.  Yes, we got justice, which was awesome under such miniscule odds, but my mental state took a beating through the process.

Of course, I worked while all of this was unfolding.  I worked a lot, as it was the one thing I could do to escape the reality of my daughters’ assault and all that came with it.  As the trial and sentencing ended, it provided some relief, but you don’t just move on.  At least I couldn’t.   The trauma caused from this assault not only affected my daughter, but me as well.  I started researching trauma and the effects of trauma.  If you ever wonder why we have so many issues with mental health, I suspect that trauma could be a major factor.

After the appeals were over with and there was nothing more the defendant could do, I published my book, Antigua Justice: A Fathers Fight, on the case.   I also knew at that point that I needed to get more involved.  In 2022, I started reaching out to some non-profits to see if I could volunteer.  I also met a couple of victims that needed support, and I was happy to be their support person.  The more I got involved, the more I wanted to do.  I spent a lot of time in prayer on this topic.  I could feel the pull to get more involved, so in 2022, I decided that I would walk away from my career in Retail Technology and spend my time in the sexual assault space.   Once I made the decision, I could look back and see the signs that were pointing me in this direction.  It felt like a calling to me.  The only challenge was that there was no plan or playbook for me.  I have spent nine months doing a variety of things in the space from speaking engagements to webinars, to actively helping non-profits.   All good stuff, but I’ve just begun and I’m excited to take on the challenges ahead.  There are lots of challenges and as I put my heart and soul into this, I’ll share a monthly blog with a variety of topics with the hope of providing education and thought-provoking questions around sexual assaults.   I’ll leave you with one.  Sexual assaults are not new.  This has been going on forever. Every 68 seconds, someone in the US is sexually assaulted.   However, over the past 10 years, there has been very little change in the rate of assaults.   There are a variety of studies and reports on this with some slight variances, but ultimately there’s no real improvement.   What is being done to decrease the number of sexual assaults in this country?   Apparently not enough, and I’m not ok with that!